Dying is easy. Trying to help your mom sync the iPod you just bought her is hard.

2010-04-15T16:52:00.000-07:00

My Mother and Earthquakes

2010-04-06T13:53:00.001-07:00

I live in Los Angeles.

Last week my friend emailed and predicted that there would be a huge earthquake. I mentioned this to my mother (on the phone from NY) and she immediately snail-mailed me a high-intensity flashlight with 3 months worth of backup batteries. Apparently she thinks that when the big one hits I'll be living an existence similar to Will Smith's in "I Am Legend," or Viggo Mortensen's in "The Road." (more topical reference)

Then, on Easter Sunday, that big quake hit. I don't think it was the size and magnitude that my friend or my mother had predicted. Either way, I immediately received these unintentionally amusing emails from Momma Rubin:

Sun, Apr 4, 2010 at 5:53 PM
From: Momma Rubin
To: Me

"Do you have a big sturdy dinner or other table you can get under during earthquakes? And tins of bottled waters and the lantern flashlight I just sent you?"

Then, 4 minutes later, before I had a chance to respond:

Sun, Apr 4, 2010 at 5:57 PM

From Momma Rubin
To: Me

"I mean tons of bottled water. ALSO - get ready for this - you need lots of heavy duty garbage bags because if there is no plumbing for a long time, you need to put them in your toilet to empty each day. Yup! :-D"

Look. If I'm at the point where I'm crapping into garbage bags by flashflight I'll finally take a hint and move back to New York. Until then, I'm happy out here with all the Hollywood phonies.

Love,

Your Son

I feel like iPhone auto-correction is getting more cocky by the day.

2010-03-20T10:48:00.001-07:00

Looks like someone's gonna be sweeping The Cutey Awards this year.

2010-03-16T17:40:00.000-07:00

There's something so annoying about guys proclaiming their love over WIFI. I couldn't resist.

2010-03-16T01:20:00.001-07:00

Are the passengers crashing into the ocean, screaming?

2010-03-16T00:57:00.001-07:00

Have you seen this?? Jesus.

2010-03-16T00:46:00.001-07:00

Even my fortune cookies are sarcastic.

2010-03-16T00:43:00.001-07:00

jordan rubin